The woman that I live with who is now my wife, is very strong minded to the extent that it verges on bullying. I found that when we had sex, the bullying got much worse. So, in the end, and several years ago, I couldn't face having sex with her any more.
Despite everything, I am rather fond of my wife. I understand the factors in her youth that led her to behave as she does. Underneath the strength, there is a child who has hardly grown up. Sometimes I almost want to cry when I think how awful her childhood was, and I admire her positive nature despite that. As long as we don't have sex we get along quite well, taking everything into consideration, and after many many times of strife.
It's a rather big problem for me, however. How much better do I feel when I behave naturally and stray a bit. It's like a blanket being pulled from my brain, and I can think again, and I am over 70! In truth, I feel like straying about twice a week, but I don't at all often
You would think that I ought to be able to tell her our problem. But now that she is on something like an even keel, after years of definitely not being on an even keel, I am loath to chance doing that especially as I know that I would be ridiculed by her for doing so.
The best thing to do would be to explain nothing and just walk away. I think that would be the kindest and most dignified thing to do. But the practicalities of my life don't permit it. So :
Am I a victim personality? Would curing that make the difference? I don't think that many people would recognise me as being a victim personality.
What is the connection between having sex and bullying? My feeling is that it has to do with control, but maybe it's something much deeper. Am I the only person to make this connection, or am I imagining it?
Is it possible that a prolonged piece of psycho therapy could enable her to accept that some things can not be put back together and to focus on the positives and let the negatives be?
Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Psychology Q & A.