Photo Credit: Marco Bellucci
I'm the stepmom of a 16 yr old boy. I have known him since he was 10, but he has been out of state the last 2 years. When I first met him I thought he was a sweet loving intelligent boy that I could not wait to be a part of his,(and his 2 brothers) life.
But for the first 8 or 9 months I only spent every other weekend with my husband and his children because we were in different states.(my husband is military). His background briefly: He was born to a military single mother. He lived with a relative until he was about a year old. At which time my husband met his mother and he moved in with them.
At a young age about 3 or 4 he had occasions where he would unlock the doors and leave the house and wander the neighborhood. He also at least 2 seperate times at that young age took all the kitchen knives and put them in his bed, or under his bed (not quite sure of the exact place). When he was about 9-ish he sprayed his 6-7 yr old brother in the face with spray type paint remover (or something caustic) that caused him severe chemical burns on his face and neck.
He was caught several times in the 4th grade stealing things from his teachers desk, stealing things (money, candy, toys, etc) from his brothers. The brothers told me he stole constantly from the 7-11 but did not get caught.
He set a couple trash cans on fire. I was told that when he was about 5 or 6 he was told that my husband was not his natural father. He was then taken to see the grandparents of his natural father (who was decesased) and planned a visit with them, but at some point the grandparents stopped all contact with him.
When I moved in with them everything was fine at first. He tried really hard to make me feel welcome, but it was a strange feeling like he was trying hard to make me feel like a welcome "guest". If that makes any sense. Any change I made to furniture or decoration was resented. But I just chalked it up to the fact that it had been where his mother lived and he clearly wanted them back together. And I thought it was normal for him to be resentful. And then one day, he just changed. It was like someone flipped a switch. He had gotten in a fight with his brother and he became violent with him. Grabbing him around his neck.
I was the only one home and I sent him to his room. From that point on, he showed me very little respect. He just started to act like I didn't exist. I would speak to him and he would pretend not to hear me. He refused to do anything I asked him to unless his father was around when I asked.
When his father was around he would compliment me, when he spoke to me he called me ma'am, I think he even told me he loved me once. Then when his father wasn't around he would quietly (just as a matter of fact, not angry) say he hated me, he was waiting for me to leave, I wasn't going to be around much longer.
Then I started to find these little scraps of paper with symbols all over the house. Most of the time I jsut threw them away. Until one of his brothers told me they were codes from a codebook he had. I decipered a couple of them and they said things like, I hate you, you're a bitch, you're an asshole, I'm going to kill you...they didn't have my name on them but they were left in places like on my desk, in the kitchen, etc.
Then there were episodes where my husband and I were out for the evening and he was fighting with my daughter who is a year younger than him. He held her down in the chair and wouldnt let her move until my oldest son who is the same age pushed him off her. When she tried to go upstairs to get away he followed her and as they argued near the stairs he tried to push her down them. And again my oldest son intervened and held him while she called me.
There were certain people he seemed to adore, his youngest brother who is 6 years younger than him and my husband, and my husbands family. Everyone else he acted like didn't exist unless my husband wasn't around and then he treated like something underneath his shoe except his oldest brother, whom he truly abused and was very voilent with.
At one point an incident happened with him and his oldest brother and he was sent to his room by me. When I went to his room to ask him a question I opened the door to find him in his bed with our cat under the covers with him, with the cat's head sticking out. (at this time he was about 13) I asked him what he was doing, he wouldnt answer, so I pulled back the cover and the cat's lower half was inside his underwear.
I told him I could not deal with this, he had about 5 minutes to go and tell his father what he was doing because I coldn't