Absence of a Mother

by Mike
(Alabama)

Photo Credit: Damon Duncan

My father got custody of me when I was 2 years old and I didnt see my mother again until I was 8 when my parents got back together. After meeting each other for the first time, me and my mother became fairly close... but soon, my mother moved out and left me with my father once again.

She didnt even tell me that she was leaving, she literally just left without saying goodbye. I was 10 at the time she left for the second time and was enormously hurt by my mother abandoning me on two different occasions.

I always hear people explaining how hard it is when a parent leaves a child, but I've never heard anyone getting left by their parents TWO TIMES in the child's lifetime.

I'm 19 now. I havent seen my mother since I was 10. I do not have any hard feelings for my mother, but I know I do have some issues with the situation. The past couple of years I've noticed some alarming behavioral problems from myself. I've noticed that I have nearly no self esteem. I hate myself inside and out. I'm nervous all the time. I always feel isolated from other people. I find it really hard to get close to other people.

I've also noticed that I can't seem to make a relationship last with a woman. I guess that you could say that I am depressed.

I keep trying to figure out why I am depressed. The only thing I can think of is that I have abandoment issues with my mother. Maybe because she left on more than one occation that I now suffer from permant mental issues. Maybe the reason why I can't make a relationship last with a woman is because I subconsciously relate every relationship I have with my mother and father's relationship.

Could this be true?