An Interview With Dr. Jody Carrington on Trauma, Connection, and Feeling Seen
Interview by David Webb
Dr. Jody Carrington’s work sits at the intersection of psychology, connection, and what happens when people feel unseen. Much of her writing and speaking explores what it means to stay present with one another through pain, disconnection, and repair. In this conversation, we explore how trauma, loneliness, and burnout show up in everyday life, and why regulation, repair, and presence matter more than perfect answers.
What first drew you toward the work you do?
It started long before I ever knew what “psychology” meant. I was just a kid when two moments cracked me wide open. The first was I was sitting in class when our teacher walked in and told us that one of our classmates, a hockey player had died.
I’ll never forget the way she held that grief with us. She didn’t have a script. She just showed up in the mess of it. I watched her, and something in me clicked: This is what it looks like to be there for people when they don’t know how to keep going.
Then, a few years later, when my parents divorced. At the time, I didn’t have the words for what was happening, but I felt it, deep in my bones, that ache of disconnection, of watching two people you love struggle to make sense of their own pain. I became obsessed with trying to hold things together, to understand the “why” behind the hard stuff.
Those two moments lit the spark. I didn’t know it yet, but that was the beginning of my love for psychology, for understanding the stories behind the behaviour, for holding space when it feels like there are no words. And now, all these years later, I still believe this: when we stay in the room with each other through the hard things, we make it possible to come back to ourselves. That’s the work. That’s the magic.
When you say, “We’re not in a mental health crisis, we’re in the midst of a loneliness epidemic,” what are you inviting us to see differently?
We’ve pathologized pain and called it a disorder when, really, it’s a very human response to disconnection. We are wired for connection, biologically and yet we’ve never been more isolated, more unseen.
So when I say that, I’m inviting us to consider that the solution isn’t just more therapy or better access to mental health care, although that’s critical. It’s also about sitting next to each other in the dark, not fixing but seeing.
It’s about remembering that the opposite of addiction, of despair, of burnout it’s not sobriety or resilience. It’s connection .
What can listeners expect when they tune in to your Unlonely podcast?
Expect real talk. Expect the swears and the science. Expect tears, laughter, and a whole lot of heart.
Unlonely is a space where we pull back the curtain on what it means to feel alone in a room full of people and how we begin to find our way back to each other.
I want listeners to feel like they’ve just had coffee with a friend who sees them. This isn’t about self-help. It’s about coming home to each other.
“Emotional regulation” can sound abstract or clinical. How do you understand it in everyday terms, and what’s one practice you’ve seen people find genuinely helpful when life feels overwhelming?
Emotional regulation is just this: staying in the room with hard things without losing your damn mind. It’s not about never flipping your lid; it’s about knowing how to come back.
One of the most powerful practices? Belly breathing. Sounds simple and it is.
But when we drop our shoulders, unclench our jaws, and breathe from the belly, we calm our nervous system enough to think again. It’s not woo-woo, it’s biology.
When you talk about being “trauma-integrated,” what does that look like in everyday settings such as workplaces or schools?
It means we stop asking, “What’s wrong with you?” and start wondering, “What happened to you?” Being trauma-integrated doesn’t require a psychology degree. It requires empathy.
It looks like leaders who understand dysregulation and don’t take behaviour personally. It looks like making space for repair.
And it starts with our own regulation because you can’t walk someone else home if you’re lost yourself.
You often write and speak about burnout, especially among teachers and helping professionals. How do you recognize when everyday tiredness is tipping into something more serious?
Burnout isn’t just tired. It’s tired without hope. It’s when you’re going through the motions and everything feels like too much.
Freudenberger’s big three; emotional exhaustion, lack of compassion, and a sense of futility, still ring true.
If you’ve stopped feeling joy, if everything feels irritating or pointless, that’s not just needing a nap. That’s your soul asking for a lifeline.
And here’s the secret: burnout is a disconnect problem, not a workload problem.
In Feeling Seen, you make a careful distinction between simply “connecting” and the harder work of reconnecting, especially after we’ve been wronged, alienated, or hurt. What do people most often miss about what it really means to help someone feel seen?
People think “feeling seen” is just about being nice, or present. But true acknowledgment, really seeing someone is brave work. Especially when we’ve been hurt.
Reconnection requires repair, and repair requires vulnerability. It’s not about fixing. It’s about saying, “I’m still here.”
What do most people miss? That the most powerful thing you can say to someone isn’t “I understand,” it’s “I’m not leaving”.
In your piece on adult friendships, you offer several simple but meaningful ways to nurture connection when life is full and energy is low. If you had to single out one of these as having the biggest impact, which one would it be, and why?
Honestly? It’s the text that says, “Thinking of you.” That’s it.
Doesn’t have to be a coffee date or a long catch-up call. Just letting someone know they matter, even in passing can shift everything.
Because in a world where everyone feels invisible, acknowledgment is everything.
For readers who’d like to explore your work further, where’s the best place to start, and where can they find you online?
Start with Feeling Seen. It’s the roadmap back to each other, especially when we’ve lost our way. If you’re an educator or parent, Kids These Days is your battle cry.
You can find me on all the socials (@drjodycarrington), or come hang out with our incredible team at www.drjodycarrington.com.
About Dr. Jody Carrington
Dr. Jody Carrington is a powerhouse speaker and fearless champion for authentic human connection. She is highly sought after for her expertise, energy and genuine approach to helping people solve the most complex human-centred problems. This rapidly disconnected world is leaving so many of us overwhelmed, lonely, and burned out. Dr. Jody boldly believes that all humans have the capacity for good; however, so many of us these days, because of isolation and burnout, have lost access to that good.
Dr. Jody’s work often involves understanding just how we got to this disconnected place, what we need to put the pieces back together, and maybe most importantly, how we collectively do "the work" to find our way back home again when (not if) we lose our way. Her authentic, honest, and often hilarious approach never fails to inspire and motivate audiences.
Dr. Carrington is the founder and principal psychologist at Carrington & Company, she's written three best-selling books, speaks on hundreds of stages globally each year, and hosts the widely celebrated podcast Everyone Comes from Somewhere. In this modern world where we look all the time, but we don't see, where we listen but we don't hear, Dr. Jody is clear on one thing: we were never meant to do any of this alone.
She is a mom to three, a wife (to her very lucky) husband, a hockey coach, a daughter, and a sister, navigating this world alongside everyone she has the privilege to learn from and serve.
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