Psychology of BDSM

by Anonymous

I am a 56-yr old healthy and young-looking professional. Married for the last 30 years to another professional, with one 21-year old daughter.

I was raised by a devout mother whose husband passed away when she was only 40 and decided not to remarry in order to focus on raising her kids.

With four older sisters, I was the only male child who spent his normal youth mostly among females and their friends, and had normal and healthy relationships with both sexes.

I was used to my mother's strict, yet affectionate style of parenting. My mother was in control of most things. She helped me continue my higher-education then marry and have a stable and respected career in our community.

In return, despite the fact that I ended up living in another country with my family, I was always supportive of her till she passed away 12 years ago. I have always loved her, and respected her strict, yet efficient style.

My relationship with my wife has never been easy. At the beginning we loved each other and shared good time together. Then problems started to surface.

The main reason for our problem was that we were so "different" in almost everything. The most obvious issue was the fact that she was very conservative and religious, while I was liberal and open to new things all the time.

Our average sex life started to deteriorate with time. At one point we had a divorce, but both of us decided to go back to our marriage for the sake of our daughter, who has a mild and controlled form of attention deficiency disorder (ADD, or ADHD) requiring a proper daily care and a healthy home environment.

Our daughter is doing fine. But we are not. It is a love-free, sex-free, emotion-free marriage of convenience, but it is "working".

I am healthy but a few years back I started taking a medicine to control my blood pressure, which caused me to have a secondary problem with erectile dysfunction (ED), despite the help of Viagra and other similar drugs.

Due to my past, the cold nature of my marriage, and a burning and genuine need to be controlled by a strict female with full power and authority over me, I got interested in the BDSM world.

I have privately visited many Pro Dommes over the years and got much help, relief, emotional and sexual fulfillment as they treated me with their unlimited, harsh power.

I have realized that I can now attain an erection ONLY when degraded, humiliated etc, especially when other women are watching or participating.

I am not crazy or stupid. I am a good father and an active participant in our community.

Please do not judge me. Help me, if you can, deal with this double-life I live in.

1. Tell me WHY do I feet this way (diagnosis).

2. Tell me WHAT TO DO to cope (treatment).

3. Tell me if you have a SOLUTION.

I can not share this with my conservative, religious and estranged wife. It is too late and too difficult.

I can not share it with anybody in the community as I live in the conservative Middle East.

I ask you all for your honest help and advice.