Mental Health

by Abbey
(New York City)

I am a complete introvert and INTJ (personality type). I don't like social interaction; I avoid it. I prefer solitary activities and I enjoy intellectual activities. I show traits that are common in Schizoid Personality Disorder. Though these traits are prominent, I sometimes have magical thinking and odd beliefs. It's extremely common for people to call me "weird", "interesting" or "eccentric". This doesn't bother me, because I like it that way. But lately, I have been having serious delusion, hallucinations and this behavior has been causing problems psychologically.

I have no history of drug abuse of any kind. Though I don't get much sleep. I believe that these hallucinations are temporary. But I am concerned for a personality disorder. I am not normal. I know that, but what interests me is what about myself isn't normal. I am wonderful (or so I think) at hiding my introversion and dislike for social interaction. I have many "friends" that I believe are thoroughly convinced that I like them,and enjoy social interaction, when in (my) reality, they are the people I hate most (extroverts,"fake" people, people who talk a lot, ect.

Here are some symptoms of abnormality I and others consider strange:

I am highly Introverted. I only like one friend, and she is a fellow INTJ. Although I like her, I don't always like to stay around her because I highly value independence and isolation.

I have a hard time remembering whether something was a dream, really happened, or something I saw somewhere else (i.e. television).

I am over analytical and think at a fast pace that I don't like to explain because the idea is constantly evolving.

I am an "idea person".

I can pretend to feel emotions I don't actually feel.

I don't show much expression and don't really notice unless I reflect on my actions.

I can pretend to be extroverted.

I hate talking to people. I hate questions, small talk, or conversations generally.

I enjoy solitary, intellectual activities.

I will almost always choose to be alone rather than with others.

I hate loud, abrupt noise and usually wear headphones to block out noise.

My mind is always thinking and is always contemplating ideas and so my head is never "quiet" and peaceful. Sometimes this hurts my head or causes head aches, but I can't help but think and analyze at a fast pace.

I was always considered odd and eccentric and was sort of isolated as a child. I remember being analytical and introspective at a very young age too. I am sometimes told to stop being so independent. I believe that if someone else can do it, I can do it. I grew up as a middle child and so I did most things on my own and liked it that way. I don't like to work with others, and, as I mentioned before, highly value independence.

I usually find things like personality disorders and psychology intriguing, and I do still find it interesting. But now that I am experiencing it (or something like it), I am interested, confused, and almost scared.

Is this a legitimate problem, or just the way my mind works?

Is this behavior considered abnormal or a disorder?

Related Information on The All About Psychology Website

Mental Health