Fear of Being Touched

by John
(USA)

I'm having a major problem with my relationship. Everything was fine until the physical stage, where I found that being touched anywhere remotely sexual (eg. even being kissed on the neck) makes me cringe visibly and pull away involuntarily.


So far I've played it off as "not the right time yet", but my girlfriend is going to expect sex eventually, and I want it too.

I'm not asking why, because I know why. I'll keep the backstory short. I was moderately promiscuous since about 8 years ago, but during that whole time I had a best friend that I loved and trusted much more than any of my flings. Two years ago we got together after she told me she had felt the same way. A summer of passion went by, and then she dropped me for another guy and hasn't talked to me since.

So yes, obviously I was more than a little traumatized by that. My question is only, without resolving things with this girl as an option, how do I become subconsciously okay with being touched again?