Adultry and Remaining Friends

by Stephen
(USA)

Photo Credit: A J Cann

Photo Credit: A J Cann

I found out that my wife had a one-time affair with another man, and since that time she felt so guilty that they stopped being romantically involved. Our marriage has potential to work through this ordeal, however, she insists on remaining friends (non-romantic) with this other guy.

Is it possible for their friendship to be continued, especially as a marriage is on the fence?

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Aug 17, 2010
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NO WAY.
by: Anonymous

It really doesn't take much for two ex-lovers to have some sexual connection, re-surface eventually between them, even though they are "hanging out" just as friends.

The previous relationship could have failed due to selfishness or spite. Therefore, there is always going to be a "connection" between two ex-lovers if you will, regardless of why the two split up.

Now, put those two people together in a room, multiple times a week, "as friends", and chances are they will, at some time in the future, reconnect. The other person (gf/bf), sitting on the other side, might be jealous of the "other girl/guy" friend that they now have to "deal with" and worry about.

Also, this jealousy happens, because he/she just wants to have that same emotional connection "as friends" with the two of you. Not you, her/him, & your ex.

It's hard to share intimacy, no one wants their other half being "close" like that, with anyone but her/him; especially an ex. It's just a fact, that should only be shared with two people and no one will convince me otherwise, especially if they believe in adultery and two person relationships (if you don't believe in it, this doesn't pertain to you).

Aug 13, 2010
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It's Complicated
by: Ron C. de Weijze

What can be threatening about staying friends more than them having the affair. It is probably not simple, but complicated. So called affairs do not autostart, but usually (in my experience) are triggered by abrupt excommunication. Emotions are taken out of the other guy's (or gal's) self-control by demand from a jealous spouse. These emotions often (or always) do NOT aim for heartbreak or a broken marriage, but only accompany personal growth and happiness for experiencing that. When you put a lid on that, you excommunicate yourself as well, including her, and that can only work when your cultural or religious community is equipped for that, can and will handle that, and did send those signals for breaking what God brought together, in the first place!

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